Books & essays
Book 1… Typical Witch Sci-fi, a collection of small descriptions
Chapter 1
It started slowly one summer. An occasional older woman, past retirement, who hadn’t kept up the usual preservations; dishevelled, unkempt. Walking through town, looking purposeful... no one thought anything much of it, at first. It happened everywhere. Small, medium towns and city centres. Always busy places. The occasional dishevelled older woman and the dress sense just slightly off somehow. A hint eccentric. Most people were un aware. But the youths who hung out on the streets were just a little weary now. A tiny bit unsure of themselves. It was the looks the women gave, just now and then, looks like they knew what you were up to.
Younger people joked about it, curious, it was funny. The odd woman in town who looked frail but walked with purpose. The almost goth ladies someone joked.
It was deep into summer when those who had noticed saw the occasional Almost Goth Women, in pairs now. They are making friends with each other someone said. It was still funny. worrying that these older women might be perhaps homeless, but still just a quirk. Maybe they came out for the food banks, some people said.
Of course, the other older women noticed as well. A fleeting judgement of the Almost Goth’s appearance. With an “I do hope they are ok" I think they’re turfing them out of the Homes, someone joked. The looks the Almost Goth pairs gave each other were conspiratorial.
Continued
An essay
Moon Ends
Post war Britain a fox runs through the bombed out streets, in the daytime. Mothers look perplexed at the sight, kids delight in the fox guest; it does not look scared. The kids follow the fox towards a large flattened bombed out area, in the centre is a lone pub left intact... insane sounds are drifting across from the pub to the miners cottages edges of the clearing. The kids report back to their parents who slowly make their way towards the large flattened space. The pub is called Moon Ends.
On top of the Moon Ends is a rather end of the 20th century looking woman, fluorecent colours she wears the likes of mid 20th century people had never seen. She is playing records from a dual turntable, that is currently blaring out a trip hop dance remix of a David Bowie song. The dj has a microphone and keeps shooting ‘OOO OOO’ ‘OOO OOO DJ Ezra MoonEnds.’
Ezra MoonEnds is an alien who has been living on the moon by herself.
Ezra MoonEnds sits under a giant rainbow parasol and puts on some chill out music in the mornings, she drinks the sleep juice that allows her to keep awake always, if somewhat subdued. In the summer evenings she plays the thumping trip hop dance remixes of the future humans. On this first late afternoon a few utterly perplexed people gather straggling in towards the pub. A first late afternoon that alien Ezra MoonEnds decided to introduce herself to the post war humans; she has been watching from her moon base and felt the humans could do with some cheering up... and as they were going to be neighbours.
Someone brings out a crate of stout and hands them around.. this starts the, slight at first, dancing. The people are still at the edges of the clearing. Drink slowly emboldens them closer. Until one woman wonders what’s happening inside the pub.
Later in the week the night is full of dancing people. The whole flattened area is a rave of people dancing to a universe of 21st century trip hop dance remixes. Flasks of whiskey and warm beer are everywhere.
A woman enters the pub, inside is too warm. A throng of drunk people bustle. She reaches the bar. Figures dressed in fox outfits are busy behind the bar serving cocktails. The people have never seen such drinks before. Alien cocktails with alien flavours and alien decorations: the only payments taken are small personal stories, written down on little pieces of paper.
By Peter Stringer
Book 2, Typical Witch Investigates, a collection of smaller adventures
Apologies for the character naming, this is an unedited version, they made me laugh while writing
The Case of the Salmon Row
Heti StraightMonger is a Witch on a mission; she travels the forest regions of the lands solving problems. She believes if she can solve all the forest folks problems, they will be free of the lost ancient superpowers that linger on in these parts. She believes her simple hyper-nature abilities will ease the psychic malcontent curses and ancient monster practices. She always was a utopian. A utopia with fake cobwebs, terrible spiders, devilled toffee and spicy lanterns of course.
Heti StraightMonger walks on cushioned shoes, made of some strange oxidised fruit fibers... that apparently propel themselves: as Heti can often be heard telling them to slow down. Witches are left to their own devices in these lands, especially witches that talk to their shoes.
The salmon are arguing again, “monkshit" echoed around the village reservoir. “YOUR TAIL IS A TURD" “your tail is a DIARRHEA WEASEL.” Heti turned the last corner leading into the village; a man was wacking a salmon on the head, it’s last words were “FUCK YOU”. The man sighed ‘it’s been like this for months’, as the witch walked past him. ‘Not a moments, livestock killing, peace.’ The witch touched her black little fingers nail to the mouth of the dead fish, a hissed whisper escaped “Volmalderhyde" ‘oh never heard of that one' said Heti. The man knew better than to question a witch but he did anyway. ‘What did you just do to my lunch' he asked. ‘This nail is painted with DeathHatch it can make the dead speak.’ She answered. ‘what did it say then' he pressed further. ‘sounds like a name' she answered. ‘the dead usually just talk a load of rubbish, but occasionally it’s useful’.
Continued
Book 3, Mechanical Selfs
‘What more warships’ the robots must be fighting again... hppp’
Mummy why are the robots going to war?
‘I don’t know’
But I want to know mummy!
Lets ask the oracles...
A screen hovers in front of the mother and child
‘My baby wants to know why the robots are going to war’
“There are new robots from another world" said the glowing colours pulsing from inside the screen
‘ you see it’s just some different robots this time my darling'
What do they look like? asked the child to the screen
“Like any robot"
‘ you see darling, it’s nothing for us’
The child looked up at their mother and then back at the screen.
I want to see, show me a picture please
“this information is classified, for droid eyes only... I’m sorry we can not help you with this request"
Chapter 1
The child looks through the star charts late at night when they should be sleeping. Many worlds have been discovered by the robots... robots scattered across the galaxy to find new places. And fabricating the gateways on worlds of interest. Just an ordinary doorway that leads to a new planet instantaneously.
‘go and play on Alpha Centaurus for a few hours please'
The child walked through the appropriate doorway to another world. The habit of calling habitable planets after their star.
The child thought about the discovered star systems and wondered where the robots are fighting... must be at the edges of the known galaxy. A few doorways later the child was on a strange world at the edge of human space. A message beeped ‘why are you there' mother. The child walked back through the appropriate doorways to reach home: and was educated on the vices of curiosity.
An unremarkable childhood grew from there.
But adulthood was far from it...
Continued
Book 4 A Space witch slaughter Mystery
A space limo crosses a force field and onto the space palace flyway. Witch Healer Black leaves the darkened cabin. The waiting robowitch WhiteDwarf can see a bottle of something illegal chilling in a freeze cube just visible in the limo doorway. One of her chrome eyebrows rises silently. Her multi cubit grid eye sensors randomly flash with computational energy; you can almost hear the wikkety wockety noises. Witch Healer Black enters the space palace. A grand entrance of artificial iridescent white marble. The hallway shimmers with millions of bright reflective flecks from the stone. Witch healer black had a bad space year when the space palace was being constructed and her budget couldn’t stretch to a pure diamond entrance hall. Her witches hover cane brings her up to a higher level and to her study. She disappears behind the chrome hatchway of the study’s entrance.
Witch Cosmo Cosmos is next to enter the palace. RoboWitch WhiteDwarf takes her red witches hat. The witch enters the darkened ballroom, she is the first guest. Quickly joined by Sentinel WarWitch who keeps her yellow chromed robot witches hat. Next Green Banshee, she keeps her banshee tiara. Professor Pulsar hands her purple wizards hat to RoboWitch WhiteDwarf and the party has begun.
Continued
An end of books essay
18th Avant Garde
Bertram walks up the steep cobbled walkway. He passes someone sat on a small stool, they are knitting. Bertram looks down at his package and a glorious smirk spreads across his face.
Milly is busy with the comb, she has two mirrors to see all the way around herself. Milly is in a hurry, she’s only just had her own glorious smirk and she’s not too sure if there's enough time.
In saunters Bertram a string of linked sausages around his neck, his eyes pop at the sight of Milly with an 18th century Beehive hairdo. They both fall about laughing. “imagine if anyone saw us!”
Bertram loosens the fire. They both sit back snuggled together squeezed into a large old chair. Milly makes a buzz. Bertram giggles deeply.
Bertram is walking back down the steep cobbled walkway; someone is battering a rug hung up outside. A quizzical look and Bertram says to himself there's something in that one.
Milly is beating an old rug out in their back yard, she sneezes. A watery quizzical look and Milly is thinking.
Bertram walks up the steep cobbled walkway, he has a cardboard tube from the factory, the street is empty thankfully. He enters the house, Milly hears and stays silent. Bertram slips upstairs for a while. Milly waits patiently with the kitchen door closed. Bertram comes down stairs with a cardboard contraption. Fake cogs and strings, a honker and sack stitched to the top; he places it in the sitting room and waits. Milly bursts in with two bottle seals clamped to her nose and her grandmas old glasses painted bright red, a piece of paper above the glasses reads Champion Duster. Bertram can not sit still from the laughter and the anticipation. Milly takes off the Dusting equipment. And sits utterly perplexed. Bertram tells her she has to guess. The long cardboard tube has a box at the top and a sucky bit at the bottom. Absolutely no idea she says noticing her toothbrush and his toothbrush protruding out of the bottom. She can not stop laughing for a good while... “what is it?”
Bertram refuses to budge. “you can have two clues”. The first “great minds thing together". Milly grins, “it’s a Dust Buster".
Bertram is walking down the cobbles, the street is empty. He walks past the collection of small shops. He walks past the pub. He walks past the factory doors.
Milly is arranging pastry into the shape of a pig. The pie is lamb.
Bertram walks past the factory doors. He walks past the pub. He walks into the pub.
Milly walks into the pantry door frame and says sorry.
Milly has forgotten to cook the pie.
Two pints of warm beer and Bertram’s eyes pop. He has no ideas. Nothing planned or prepared. He’s seen nothing of inspiration today.
Milly is sat in a slump, her face turned down, her eyes closed; she is not asleep.
Bertram goes for a walk. It's summer and still bright. He goes to the park. He goes to the Chip Shop. He goes to the pub.
Milly sits with particles of bright dust drifting around her.
Bertram walks up the steep cobbled walkway. He opens their front door. Milly stirs. In bursts Bertram with two tree branches for arms and giant leafed hands. Milly is hysterical with laughter. Bertram brings one real hand from behind his back, it has a packet of double fish and chips. Milly laughs louder. Bertram brings his other real hand from behind his back, it has a bottle of sherry. Milly's eyes pop and her hands launch for the bottle. She is grinning deliciously.
Two tatty people are dashing around the back yard , one is in the wheel barrow, one is pushing. On the front of the wheel barrow are two paper sparkling eyes and a scrunched paper sparkling magical horn. Milly has her hair down flowing behind her. The wheel barrow shunts sideways and Bertram falls out of it onto the yards cobbled floor. He has rainbows on his cheeks. He honks the horn attatched to the front of the wheel barrow. They both laugh cheekily
“we should have kids"
“we should have kids"
By Peter Stringer
Book 5, Cat Mountain
We start in the air, it is half light. A flying meander just above the ground. Then a forest, the fast meander between trees, a change of direction. A moose grasped and up higher into the air. The moose’s head is screaming and rotating in the vision of something. A castle higher up. A tower with six sides. On each side is a large opening with carved jaws as frames. The moose disappears inside and all is black. A deep glowing red symbol creeps into vision, and backwards out into the sky, rushing back down a mountain, past the trees though higher this time and eventually into town. At ground level rushing flight, the castle still visible in the distance. A scream from the castle and the towns people rush behind closed doors. The town is silent.
Zoey has just moved to town, a great aunt has left her an old barn in her will. Zoey was expecting more and so she is sat in a small delicate hotel. The sudden silence has brought her to the window. No one. Zoey sits on the bed Giigling the towns local businesses. She doesn’t have a huge amount of money but enough perhaps to make an old barn watertight.
The work is being done on the roof, Zoey is looking up from inside the old barn. She hears a scream. The two roofers slide down their ladders and disappear. Zoey leaves the safety of the barn and looks up at where the roofers should have been. Another scream and she looks into a foggy sky. A brief moment and the fog parts to reveal a portion of dark grey castle.
Zoey walks back to the little hotel. The door is locked, when she knocks she is rushed inside by the owner. “what is happening?” “oh just a local legend, we all bide the local legend, easier that way"; the owner disappears quickly.
Continued
Book 6... Secret Manors
She woke dreamily into a warm bedroom… NOT Her bedroom. The shock of a strange bohemian room with almost rainbow colours, a mirrored dressing table with antique jewellery; delicate classical pieces, some with gems. A giant painting glances down at her. She gets up and uses the adjacent loo. Quilted loo roll. The bathroom is a slightly luminous green, with old threaded beads strung loosely around the panelling and doorway. All the fixtures are antique but she isn’t sure if that loo roll is modern or antique itself. Maybe just a wealthy persons make of loo paper. It is sunny back in the bedroom, the light intensifies as she looks up and around. She feels an old radiator, it is cold, so must be summer time.
She leaves the bedroom onto an old delicate hallway, down some stairs she slowly creeps. The kitchen has fruit and freshly made bread. A full stomach and she is looking out to a kitchen garden of slightly familiar vegetables, but the varieties she has never seen before. The growing techniques are a little unconventional. She makes her way through double glass doors into a sitting room, more large paintings are lazily unmoved by her presence… all but one, who’s unpainted eyes blink.
Continued